Fifty Shades Freed — 2 Gavels 12% Rotten Tomatoes

Query:  Is Fifty Shades of Grey to this generation what Peyton Place was to my parent’s generation, i.e., poor literature that worms its way into the fabric of society by titillating?  Just when we thought we were done with this trilogy, the previews bring us Book Club which opens on May 18.  This movie stars Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen, Diane Keaton, and Mary Steenburgen as four friends who decide to spice up their lives by reading Fifty Shades.  These are not exactly 20-something ladies so maybe it is not surprising that Fifty Shades Freed has earned $78 million domestically and another $194 million world wide.  Not bad for a movie that cost $55 million to make.

In this episode, Christian and Ana are now married.   Christian is still the tortured, paranoid soul who is determined to protect Ana at all costs.  Ana is still the naive girl who chafes at the restrictions which surround her.  Soon, it is clear that she is still being stalked, but by whom and why?  As this is really soft porn, gratuitous nudity is early and often.  While the screenwriter tries to use this as a device to introduce the argument about having children, it fails.  The ending couldn’t get there too soon.

Dakota Johnson is back as Ana as is Jamie Dornan as Christian.   It’s hard to imagine  two people who are so miscast and have so little chemistry.  Granted, the material doesn’t help them much.  Eric Johnson, as the stalker, seems to be the only one who put any effort into this film.  Marcia Gay Harden as Christian’s mother only has a few seconds of screen time.  Everyone else is forgettable.

The movie does have some bright spots.  The music, the locales, and the fancy Audi yield some interest.  It’s always nice to see how the 0.10% live.  Overall, the movie is just slow with characters that you will not lose any sleep over.  Only the last 10-15 minutes of the movie hold any suspense.  The rest is merely filler.  Yes, the handcuffs and restraints are back;  it is my recommendation that you restrain yourself from paying for this one.  It’s not worth the $9.00.